


hamburrger

by etafox



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Conspiracy Theories, Crack, Fluff, Gen, Hamburgers, I came up with this one day and thought heck why not, hamBURRgers, slightly AU, this could actually be a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 09:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11250714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etafox/pseuds/etafox
Summary: that one time hamilton and burr invented some food thing, and couldn't decide on a nameor how hamilton insisted that they sell this "hamwich," but burr wouldn't go for it





	hamburrger

**Author's Note:**

> because hamburrgers

“How about hamwich?”

Burr looked up from his papers, and sighed. “Not that again. I thought we’d agreed to toss that one out.”

“But I must build my legacy. Just imagine it! Children begging their parents for just a bite of the delicacy. Even Jefferson admitted that it was good, and that man hates everything!”

“Oh please. If you really want a legacy, just convince Congress to put your face on a gold coin or something. Or open a bank and give yourself one of the notes. It’s really not that difficult. Besides, Alexander, we have much more urgent matters to attend to right now. Like this case.”

“Even so, there’s a certain glory is being forever preserved in cuisine. Even Locke is tossed aside in the face of good bread.”

Burr thrust a document at Hamilton, sighing once more. Hamilton didn’t bother to look at it, continuing to stare into nothing. “Besides,” Burr added, “you seem to be forgetting that you had help in creating that bizarre concoction. Ahem?”

Hamilton glanced over, tilting his head to one side. “Fine. hamburrwich. Not as elegant as hamwich, but it’ll have to do.”

Burr put on a face of horror. “Absolutely not. If anything, it should be burrhamwich. But again, we have more relevant things to do. Please Hamilton, we have letters to draft, and appeals to make. But in all honesty, this court case is far more important than something invented by two drunkards.”

__

“Five minutes, Burr. I daresay it was the easiest win of my career. And it was a complete bore as well.”

“It’s not like you had a better alternative Alexander. We both know you just want to run back to see Laurens. Oh, don’t look so shocked. It’s not like it’s some big secret.”

“Ah- uh- actually- speaking of secrets, what about hamburr? It’s short and memorable, and has a pleasant ring to it.”

“Don’t change the topic Alexander. But like I said before, burrham sounds much nicer when spoken. It’s masculine and unrelenting. An obvious extension from our relationship.”

Hamilton raised his eyebrows. “Hamburr has more finesse, and a certain subtle grace that can hardly be matched. As for masculine, well, we both know who would win in a duel between us.”

“I can hardly agree with that. But think what you want. Let us hope it never comes to that.”

__

“So where are those sandwiches that you and Burr made? I quite liked them,” Madison mused.

Hamilton looked affronted. “Of course you should like them. And they’re hamburros, not sandwiches. And Burr isn’t talking to me after we passed that last bill, so I can’t make it. Unfortunately, we each made a portion of it. He made the bread, and I threw in all the fillings, but he never shared his recipe with me, so I can’t even make it right now.”

“Hamburros?” Madison asked incredulously.

“Temporary name. I suggested hamwich, but Burr thought he was underrepresented. Plus, hamburrwich sounds quite tedious. We considered hamburr, but he wouldn’t go for it. Keeps complaining about work and everything anyways.”

“You should seriously consider selling these hamburros then. They are honestly delicious. Plus, it pays better than sitting around in congress all day.”

“I happen to like my job, I’ll have you know. Besides, we’re all famous and powerful anyways. What else do we need?”

__

Burr was busy reading when Hamilton stormed in.

“What is the meaning of this?” Hamilton hissed, slapping a form on the table. Burr leaned back, eyeing it lazily.

“Just a document expressing my intention to run. You don’t get all the fun you know.” A/N: This is slightly AU. Basically, Burr never ran against Philip Schuyler so Hamilton doesn't hate him that much.

“That’s ridiculous. You’re running against Adams and Jefferson. You’re dead.”

“On the contrary, my dear Hamilton, I am very much alive. I fully expect to win this election.”

“Your funeral. Oh yeah. So Madison suggested a while back that we open a restaurant and serve hamiburrs, and I feel inclined to agree with him. Imagine the profits we’d make!”

“I don’t need profits. Besides, imagine the dishonor if it’s a dismal failure. We’ll be laughed out of office.”

“You mean _you’ll_ be laughed out of office. I can always get George to vouch for me.”

“I hate you.”

“That makes you a despicable human being.”

“I am a dangerous man after all.”

“Indeed. Far more dangerous than Jefferson definitely.”

__

“Okay, what if we released the hamburrants under a false identity? We can easily claim credit or denounce it afterwards. It’s just simple politics after all.”

“Oh please. The name itself is blatantly obvious. Who else would have reason to put ‘ham’ next to ‘burr’? That is too much to be a coincidence, even to the most naive.”

“You never know. In another universe, perhaps, it could be named after a city.”

“Yes, of course. A city named Hamburg. Now that is actually ridiculous.”

“It is wholly possible. You simply lack the imagination.”

“And you simply lack rationality. This is the last time that I will discuss this with you.”

__

“You know, hamburrger has a nice ring to it.”

“ALEXANDER!”


End file.
